Johnny Rants About...The Jose Fawning

I've Got A Crush On You
Richard Keys giggling about Mourinho! What a ******* pathetic performance. You looked like a schoolboy with a crush on the Head Boy. The fawning, the worship, the twisting of every single bloody thing to make Mourinho seem like a giant amongst men, was sickening and sent me into a furious b*****d rage. "He's orchestrated all this...we love him," he wittered, giggling and sniggering until all sentient creatures must have wanted to hit him in the head. Souness was scowling the way he scowled before brutalizing someone with his boot; the look of a man about to administer a ruthless act of physical violence, sickened by this gross, unmanly toadying. Even Top Top got fed up of it and that's saying something after those b*****d adverts set a new level of vomitworthyness. Not good enough Keys. **** me, no. Utter ****, more like.


Please Don't Touch
A corner comes in and the striker rises and nods it in. The keeper is left in a crumpled heap as though run over by a tractor. The keeper has in fact jumped under the ball and collided with the striker. But the goal is disallowed anyway. Why? Because every f****** ref treats goalies as though they're made of biscuits and need protecting from the usually smaller, less robust striker. It's a bloody man's game, not a flower show, so put your frilly f*****g panties away and fight for the ball. Keepers are ludicrously over-protected despite being the tallest, biggest b****rd on the team. If you can't stand your ground or barge through players to get the ball that's because you are useless and should not be rewarded for such failure by mincing referees.


Spell It Out
If you're going to refer to Steve McClaren spell his bloody name correctly! It's not McLaren! Stop writing it as McLaren. You've had years to learn years and f*****g years and yet still loads of people insist on spelling it wrongly. Why is it so hard to remember? Are you thick or what?


Lies
I heard some grunting pig of a pundit trotting out this old crap again, "All the best players want to play in the Premier League." Are you ******* sure Mr Pundit? Have you seen the brilliant Robben at Bayern? He played here and p*****d off. He doesn't look like he's pining from these shores. Then there's Ribery, Messi, every other ****** at Barcelona and Real Madrid, not to mention Pato, Benzema, Buffon and so many other wonderful players none of whom, have ever said they want to play in the Premier League and have actively rejected offers to bring them here probably because they don't want to be kicked senseless and end their careers aged 29. So stop making this s**t up to try and flatter the Premier League. ****!


Head Games
You what really annoys me? ******* punters who write in and say I only slag off the BBC because we're owned by Sky! **** off! Ten bloody years I've been writing anti-BBC stuff. Ten years! Ten long bitter years opposing having to pay the state for owning a TV. Way before the Sky buy-out. But that counts for sod all because you've just had an idea that it's all some sort of conspiracy without any knowledge of the facts. Just because its in your head doesn't mean it's true. Well f*****g done.


Simply The Best
Can everyone just shut the **** up talking about who is or isn't the best player in the world. It's a totally pointless debate. Why do you have to rationalise these things into a list? Do you do that with everything in your life? Does your girlfriend have to make a list of all her lovers and list them in order of brilliance? Do you have lists of the best writers, best artists, and best chefs? I mean, ******* hell just enjoy them and stop ******* going on about it - what the **** does it matter?


Other Business: Non-football anger

Down On The Up Escalator
If you're on an escalator wake the **** up and realise that when you get to the top or bottom you will have to get off and move away. Don't just stand there dithering around like a d**k; there are other people piling up behind you. Try and have at least a modicum of awareness that you are not the only f*****g person in the world before we plough into you and trample you to death.


Your Asterisk
F****** astericks? Don't you f****** hate the f****** things. They're pointless. You all know what the word is. No f****r could not know what the c*****g word is but we have to f*****g use them all the same for fear of offending t**ts who don't like swearing who are probably not even reading because they should know by now what the asterisks are obscuring and have presumably f***** off having spotted that f**k means f**k. Why are we the ones to have to change to please them? Who the **** are they, anyway and why are we pandering to them? Asterisks are like wearing crotchless panties; yes you've got knickers on but everyone can still see your c**t so they don't make you any more respectable; so why not just remove them?

source .football365.com